Thursday, February 26, 2009

Easy Silence

The last couple months have been an interesting time for me. Physically, I was here, there and everywhere: USA, Bermuda, Holland, home, NYC, Chula Vista. I was never entirely settled, never comfortable and never completely at ease. It was one of those times when I felt constantly on edge, knowing that I would only be in a spot for a short period of time; anticipating the time when I would have to adjust and adapt and cope again with new surroundings.

But on second thought. Maybe the change I was coping with didn't have to do only with the things around me, but what was going on inside of me. I felt the foreboding sense that something was about to happen to me - that I was listlessly waiting for the proper moment for that change to occur - for life to change course. I was waiting. Not doing.

Before I returned to Holland though, that changed (change changed, interesting). I finally realized after 23 years of just following a path, that I had a choice in the next direction my life headed. I have a hand to play in the course of my life. Sure I have been dealt a certain lot of cards, but those are my cards to play.

With this new perspective, I finally feel free. Free from my own worries, doubts and most of all fears. There is an "easy silence" that surrounds me - a calmness, peace, and stillness that pervades, for at the moment, my being. It feels nice to be back in Holland. I have time to concentrate on me, to enjoy the folks around me and the experience of living and playing in a foreign country. This won't last forever so I might as well live it up now.

Thanks for reading.

xx Rach

Saturday, February 21, 2009

I Am


By Rachel Dawson

I am I
As seen by my own eye.
I hear the words of me that be spoken,
But I refuse to let them beat me broken.

I am I
As heard by my own ear.
I taste the salt of your minds distain,
But from my purpose it will not cause restrain.

I am I
As tasted by my own tongue
I feel your judgement upon me cast
But to your verdict I will not hold steadfast.

I am I
As felt by my own heart.
and from myself, I will not depart.

For, I am I,
Seen by mine eye,
Heard by mine ear,
Tasted by my tongue.
Felt by my heart.

I am I
And of the world
I am, but a part.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Chew well. . .

Cliche Mom-ism: chew your food before swallowing...Oops, sorry Mom, I forgot to take your advice on this one - I took a big bite, and unfortunately, I choked. Big Time. I missed a sudden death stroke in the Final of the Pan Am Cup that ended our bid for World Cup Qualification and gave the win to Argentina. I could sit here and try to rationalize a meaning from the situation - I could analyse what happened, why it happened, and what I learned from it. But it doesn't change the fact that we lost - and I crumbled under pressure. Oh well. You live, you learn, and sometimes you just have to forget.

Self-doubt and fear crept in. I let a momentary panic attack and fear of missing change my plan of attack - I made a brash, sudden, and unbased decision...funny how our minds can get the best of us. Or do they get the worst of us.

But like I said, I won't analyze. It is what it is. And it is OVER. On to the next phase. Perhaps I won't take so big of a bite this time.

PS: I never got flowers.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Happy Valentine's Day

Its a day of love. Hugs and Kisses, xoxo. Speaking of X's and O's, game on today - at 2:30 pm, we take the field against Trinidad and Tobago. It will be an interesting semi-final match up. I have never played against T&T, so we are ready for the unexpected.

Speaking of unexpected, I would love a delivery of unexpected flowers. But that is just wishful thinking - highly unlikely, most improbable, although not (pause) impossible. Wink, Wink.

After the game, I intend to indulge in some highly entertaining chick flicks, maybe a stroll on Horse Shoe Beach - ya know, its the usual here in Bermuda. With three days rest since our last game against Mexico (note: we won 6-0), I am a bit bored. Can you sense the ennui in my tone??

Ugh. I can't wait to play. Too much "free" time. I wish you could loan out time. I have a surplus right now. Interest rates are low - I am selling at an attractive price. Any takers?

Ok. Off to occupy my mind till game time. Toodles.

xx Rach

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Pool Play

Quick Recap: In the first two games of the tournament, we have come out victorious beating Jamaica 10-0 and Chile 2-0. These wins put us in a good position as we prepare to play Mexico on Tuesday.

Hockey aside though - I am thoroughly enjoying the serenity of Bermuda. We are staying at a beautiful resort and spa Hotel right next to the water. Today, I explored the majestic beaches that surround our hotel and relaxed in the outdoor hot tub with a few teammates. I feel as though I should be on my honeymoon, not on a hockey trip with 20 girls...Oh well, hopefully that will come in time. As for now I plan on enjoying the peace of this calm island. Personally, a trip like this could not have come at a better time. It is exactly what I needed. Just take a look at the picture.

Friday, February 6, 2009

Pit Stop: NYC

We were en route to Bermuda on Tuesday, that is until we took a little pit stop to the bitter cold Big Apple. Our flight to Hamilton was canceled as soon as we deplaned at JFK. So we jumped shipped, booked a hotel in Times Square and spent a couple of days in my favorite city. It seemed like everyone had a friend to catch up with, and it was a great getaway from the monotony of training in Chula Vista. Luckily, we had a couple days to spare and we weren't in a hurry to get to Bermuda. However, attire-wise, we were most unprepared for the winter weather. Imagine traveling from San Diego to Bermuda - would you pack a winter coat??? A few of the girls ate a nice Italian feast down in Little Italy while others stayed in Midtown to catch a comedy show with Lauren Powley's brother. I must admit, I absolutely love the buzz of NYC. It is a city of its own kind; a place where you are free to be who you want to be and do what you want to do - a place where there seems to be no limits, almost to a fault. Oh, New York City, how I love thee.

But regardless of how much I adore the city, I could not wait to get out of that weather and go to a place a little more laid back - a place with a bit more green, blue, and pink (yup, they have pink sand here) - a little island called Bermuda. The little detour to NyC put me in the right frame of mind to enjoy my respite in this beautiful country.

Today, we play our first match of the tournament against Jamaica, who is an unfamiliar foe. However, we are prepared for any sort of battle they throw at us. It should be a fun game to get under our belts . . . it is always a good day when you wear the Red, White and Blue.

A special shout out to Katie R. who gets her first cap* playing for the USA today!!!

*a cap is an official international match