Thursday, February 26, 2009

Easy Silence

The last couple months have been an interesting time for me. Physically, I was here, there and everywhere: USA, Bermuda, Holland, home, NYC, Chula Vista. I was never entirely settled, never comfortable and never completely at ease. It was one of those times when I felt constantly on edge, knowing that I would only be in a spot for a short period of time; anticipating the time when I would have to adjust and adapt and cope again with new surroundings.

But on second thought. Maybe the change I was coping with didn't have to do only with the things around me, but what was going on inside of me. I felt the foreboding sense that something was about to happen to me - that I was listlessly waiting for the proper moment for that change to occur - for life to change course. I was waiting. Not doing.

Before I returned to Holland though, that changed (change changed, interesting). I finally realized after 23 years of just following a path, that I had a choice in the next direction my life headed. I have a hand to play in the course of my life. Sure I have been dealt a certain lot of cards, but those are my cards to play.

With this new perspective, I finally feel free. Free from my own worries, doubts and most of all fears. There is an "easy silence" that surrounds me - a calmness, peace, and stillness that pervades, for at the moment, my being. It feels nice to be back in Holland. I have time to concentrate on me, to enjoy the folks around me and the experience of living and playing in a foreign country. This won't last forever so I might as well live it up now.

Thanks for reading.

xx Rach

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